The puppeteer

When he left

I just broke

It felt like I was a puppet that he aggressively cut the strings from

I remember sitting there as if I had completely shut down

I didn’t know what to do

How could I live my life without him?

I’d forgotten what life was like before him

I remember not wanting to get out of bed and when I did it was to go out and try to forget him

But like the time before perfect blue eyed boy came along and swept me off my feet

Perfect blue eyed boy looked at me and smiled which somehow taught me how to smile again

He was that shining light that I’d been looking for for so long

The puppeteer had kept pulling me away from him when all I wanted was to feel his warmth

Perfect blue eyed boy helped me remember a life before the puppeteer

A life where we use to make daisy chains in the summer

A life where my arms hurt from writing too much

A life where my hair smelt of books

Things were a lot simpler back then

The puppeteer somehow changed me

He told me once that it’s ultimately our choices that kill us

I thought that was a load of crap

But the more I think about it the more I’ve realised that he’s still completely wrong.

I chose to stay with the puppeteer for as long as I did

But it was him who led me on for as long as he did.

I chose to ask him what was up…. and it made me wonder how much longer he would have dragged me along on his little road show

I guess we’ll never know

But I just hope that soon young ladies like me who thought the way the puppeteer had treated them was love realise that it’s the furthest thing from it

I hope that they learn how to cut the strings themselves.

[21silverlinings]

The only time

you really hear me scream

is when I pick up the pen.

Agony // n.b

[21silverlinings]

“Give her your broken heart and you will see her mend it in front of you. She whispers to it like a sprouting bud in tarnished soil that has been hounded and sheltered by shadows. She waters it with something more than affection – something like love – and teaches you how to care for it, again. Give her your broken soul and she will use pieces of her own to fill in the cracks because she’s convinced that she was put here to help people. She was put here to save everyone (besides herself). Maybe the idea that hearts and souls can be mended by blistered hands is a notion taught to her from a young age. Maybe sitting in the corner of her closet-like bedroom, window ajar and cool breeze kissing her neck when her hands were barely big enough to hold open a book, taught her that with grief and pain came beauty. With anger and sadness came love. She instinctively prepared herself for turmoil and despair even as a little girl who had wandering deep brown eyes, soft brown hair pulled up like a pineapple, and loose teeth dancing in the air with every sigh, giggle, and gasp at the end of a new chapter. That’s the kind of person she became: If you packaged your pain and wrapped it up and gave it to her, she would keep its weight on her shoulders for the rest of time, knowing that you would live free and happy without it.”

— about me [once upon a time] // n.b.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“He broke down her walls without her even noticing, and when he rebuilt the walls he added windows to let the sunshine in.”

— HPLYRIKZ.COM

[lucidnee]

can y’all go to therapist or AT LEAST try to recognize your toxic behaviors before getting other ppl involved with y’all romantically??? Y’all damaging others out here. Be better

Attitudes and Mindsets that can Change your Life

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

1. Knowing deep inside that you are good enough.

2. Believing you can do it, and believing you can make it.

3. Choosing to be grateful when you feel like complaining.

4. Choosing to hang in there when you feel you’ve had enough.

5. Knowing each new day is a true gift and fresh beginning.

6. Valuing others, and treating others well.

7. Investing in people instead of chasing things.

Starry night

I’ll paint my palette blue and grey

Painting you as a summer’s day

With shadows on your hills

I’m sketching the trees and the dandelions

But now you’ll catch my breeze and the winter chills

In colors on the snowy linen land.

And now I understand what he tried to say to me

About being a tormented artist

I see how he suffered for his sanity

The life of an artist is along and lonely one

How I long to prove him wrong but I seem to be turning into him

Slowly I’m cutting my left ear off because I feel like I’m going insane

Let me ask you something young artist

How many times do you think he picked up the paint brush because he couldn’t pull the trigger?

I’ll paint my palette blue and grey

Painting you as a summers day

With shadows on the hills and the dull reality of him being right

The sadness will last forever

He ate yellow paint because he wanted to be happy, to be less lonely

And whilst most think this was just a symptom of him losing his mind I think there’s a lot more to it

If someone is so sad that they think painting their eternal organs yellow will make them happy there had to have been more to it

His favourite colour was yellow and he loved sun flowers

Sunny days were his favourite days and he was consumed by art

Now I wonder if he’s right.

Now I know why I’m so lonely

The future

It only gets hard to breath when when I think of my future without you

I don’t know how to stop endings from growing out of childhood fears

I saw myself hug you once and when I turned to look at you, you were gone

This reminded me of how easy it is to lose you.

How easy it is for you to forget me and I know what your thinking you’re thinking that it’s never going to happen

You’re going to tell me that you made me a promise

Sometimes I look out to the distance when I’m at the beach and wonder what it’s going to be like when we will eventually live together

I think about how we will more than likely be eating charcoal for the rest of our lives because neither of us can cook

I can feel the surprise that both of us will feel when we still haven’t burned our house down

Sometimes I try to imagine what it would be like to sleep with you… just lay with you and wake up in the morning tangled in the sheets with you

But heck! I’m so so so terrible at telling you how I feel and I’m terrified of the outcome… I’m frightened to lose my best friend

Because tea is a good drink and I don’t know what I’m even saying!

I think what I’m trying to say is I haven’t taken the glow sticks off since New Year’s Eve

I still have the program from Suburban Road

I still can’t create your eye colour in my paintings

I still feel your touch

When I think about a future without you something inside me just kinda breaks because I don’t want a future without you

I want to be able to look over to my right when I have too many laughter lines that you created and be able to say we made it

We made it!

We made it?

I want to watch hair go from blonde to grey

You are the best thing to ever happen to me and I don’t want to lose what we have

I know I’m going around in circles but…. but there is no one else I want to go backpacking with

There is no one else I want to live with

There’s no one else I want to go grey with

When our faces show maps of all the places we’ve been I still want to be able to look at you and say we made it.

8 Tips for Having a Low Stress Life

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

1. Simplify – your time, your stuff, your social life.

2. Live in the moment.

3. Practice gratitude.

4. Take control of the thoughts that pull you back into the past.

5. Stop the anxious thoughts about “what next”, and of your future.

6. Practice getting comfortable with saying “no”.

7. Don’t worry about others, and what they think of you.

8. Do your best, then relax, and avoid perfectionism.